From gannchr@troll.acm.iit.edu Wed Nov  2 01:15:38 1994
Date: Wed, 2 Nov 94 00:08 CST
From: Chris Gann <gannchr@troll.acm.iit.edu>
To: cg1@monadnock.keene.edu
Subject: geek-code-2.html


                          THE CODE OF THE GEEKS V2.1
                                       
July 18, 1994

   
   
   So you think you are a geek, eh? The first step is to admit to
   yourself your geekiness. No matter what anyone says, geeks are people
   too; geeks have rights. So take a deep breath and announce to the
   world that you are a geek. Your courage will give you strength that
   will last you forever.
   
   How to tell the world you are a geek, you ask? Use the universal Geek
   code. By joining the geek organization, you have license to use this
   special code that will allow you to let other un-closeted geeks know
   who you are in a simple, codified statement.
   
   The single best way to announce your geekhood is to add your geek code
   to signature file and announce it far and wide. But be careful, you
   may give other geeks the courage to come out of the closet. You might
   want to hang on to your copy of the code in order to help them along.
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  BACKGROUND
  
   
   
   The first version of the Geek Code was 0.1 and consisted of only about
   five categories. 0.2 was mostly a spelling and bug fix. 0.3 added a
   couple more categories.
   
   1.0 was released about 4 months after 0.3 on July 17, 1993 and added
   several more categories as well as the rules for cross-overs and
   variables. 1.0.1 was a bug-fix released later that day.
   
   Over the course of the next year or so, I received some 75 or so
   various suggestions for improvements and changes in the Geek Code. Due
   to time, I wasn't able to sit down and collect and sort all of the
   suggestions and put everything together. Finally, in early July, 1994,
   I found the time and decided that I would release version 2.0 on July
   17, 1994, one year after version 1.0. Version 2.0 represents the
   recommendations of many dozens of people too numerous to mention here.
   
   
   This is version 2.1 and represents the fixing of several serious bugs
   that slipped through while I was in a hurry to get 2.0 out the door.
   
   I hope you like the Geek Code and find it an entertaining and useful
   file.
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  INSTRUCTIONS
  
   
   
   The geek code consists of several categories. Each category is labeled
   with a letter and some qualifiers. Go through each category and
   determine which set of qualifiers best describes you in that category.
   By stringing all of these 'codes' together, you are able to construct
   your overall geek code. It is this single line of code that will
   inform other geeks the world over of what a great geek you actually
   are.
   
   Some of the qualifiers will very probably not match with you exactly.
   Simply choose that qualifier that MOST CLOSELY matches you. Also, some
   activities described in a specific qualifier you may not engage in,
   while you do engage in others. Each description of each qualifier
   describes the wide range of activities that apply, so as long as you
   match with one, you can probably use that qualifier.
   
   Also, pay particular attention to case-sensitivity, there can be a big
   difference between a 'u' and a 'U'.
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  VARIABLES
  
   
   
   Geeks can seldom be quantified. To facilitate the fact that within any
   one category the geek may not be able determine a specific rating,
   variables have been designed to allow this range to be included.
   
   @      for variable, said trait is not very rigid, may change with
          time or with individual interaction. For example, Geeks who
          happen to very much enjoy Star Trek: The Next Generation, but
          dislike the old 60's series might list themselves as t++@.
          
   ()     for indicating "cross-overs" or ranges. Geeks who go from C+ to
          C--- depending on the situation (i.e. mostly "C+") could use
          C+(---). Another example might be an m++(**). This would be a
          person who mostly listens to classical music, but also has an
          extensive collection of other types of works.
          
   >      for 'wannabe' ratings. Indicating that while the geek is
          currently at one rating, they are striving to reach another.
          For example, C->++
          
   $      Indicates that this particular category is done for a living.
          For example, UL+++$ indicates that the person utilizes unix and
          gets paid for it. Quite a lucky geek, for sure.
          
   
   
   @ is different from () in that () has finite limits within the
   category, while @ ranges all over.
     _________________________________________________________________
   
Type

   
   
   Geeks come in many flavors. The flavors relate to the vocation of the
   particular geek. To start a code, a geek must declare himself or
   herself to be a geek. To do this, we start the code with a "G" to
   denote "GEEK", followed by one or two letters to denote the geeks
   occupation or field of study. Multi-talented geeks with more than one
   vocational training should denote their myriad of talents with a slash
   between each vocation (example: GCS/MU/T).
   
   GB     Geek of Business
          
   GC     Geek of Classics
          
   GCA    Geek of Commercial Arts
          
   GCM    Geek of Computer Management
          
   GCS    Geek of Computer Science
          
   GE     Geek of Engineering
          
   GED    Geek of Education
          
   GFA    Geek of Fine Arts
          
   GG     Geek of Government
          
   GH     Geek of Humanities
          
   GJ     Geek of Jurisprudence (Law)
          
   GL     Geek of Literature
          
   GM     Geek of Math
          
   GMD    Geek of Medicine
          
   GMU    Geek of Music
          
   GP     Geek of Philosophy
          
   GPM    Geek of Pre-Med
          
   GS     Geek of Science (Physics, Chemistry, Biology, etc.)
          
   GSS    Geek of Social Science (Psychology, Sociology, etc.)
          
   GT     Geek of Theater
          
   GTW    Geek of Technical Writing
          
   GO     Geek of Other. Some types of geeks deviate from the normal geek
          activities. This is encouraged as true geeks come from all
          walks of life.
          
   GU     Geek of 'Undecided'. This is a popular vocation with incoming
          freshmen.
          
   GAT    Geek of All Trades. For those geeks that can do anything and
          everything. GAT usually precludes the use of other vocational
          descriptors.
          
   G      Geek of No Qualifications
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
Section I: Appearance

  DRESS
  
   
   
   Geeks come in many different types of dress.
   
   d++    I tend to wear conservative dress such as a business suit.
          
   d+     I tend to wear trendy political messages like "Save the Whales"
          or "Free South Africa".
          
   d      I dress a lot like those found in catalog ads. Bland, boring,
          without life or meaning.
          
   d-     I tend to wear trendy political messages like "Nuke the
          Humans", "Question Authority", or "Big Brother's Watching".
          
   d--    I wear jeans to work just to piss off my boss
          
   d---   At work, I have holes in my jeans and/or obscenities on my
          shirt.
          
   d----  Punk dresser
          
   dx     Cross Dresser
          
   d?     I have no idea what I am wearing right now, let alone what I
          wore yesterday.
          
   !d     No clothing. Quite a fashion statement, don't you think?
          
   -d+    I wear the same clothes all the time, no matter the occasion,
          often forgetting to do laundry between wearings.
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  HAIR
  
   
   
   Just as geeks have a stylish dress appearance, a geek's hair can also
   be an important statement. Add an 'H' rating to tell about your hair.
   
   H+++   My hair goes down past my waist
          
   H++    My hair dangles to my mid-back
          
   H+     It's down to about my shoulders
          
   H      It's just pretty normal hair
          
   H-     It's cut above the neck
          
   H--    Above the neck AND ear (flattop)
          
   H---   It's about 1/8" long.
          
   H----  I shave my head daily, otherwise it gets too long
          
   !H     I'm bald
          
   H?     I have wigs that allow me to vary my hair
          
   H*     My hair is dyed funky flavors (add the '*' to one of the above)
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  SHAPE
  
   
   
   Geeks come in many shapes and sizes. Shape code is divided into two
   parts. The first indicates height, while the second indicates
   roundness. Mix each section to fit yourself. Examples include: s:++,
   s++:, s++:--.
   
   s+++:+++
          I usually have to duck through doors/I take up three movie
          seats.
          
   s++:++
          I'm a basketball/linebacker candidate.
          
   s+:+   I'm a little taller/rounder than most.
          
   s      I'm an average geek
          
   s-:-   I look up to most people. Everyone tells me to gain a few
          pounds.
          
   s--:--
          I look up to damn near everybody. I tend to have to fight
          against a strong breeze.
          
   s---:---
          I take a phone book with me when I go out so I can see to eat
          dinner. My bones are poking through my skin.
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  GLASSES
  
   
   
   Geeks have traditionally worn glasses.
   
   g+++   I have coke-bottle classes that I can use to start leaves on
          fire in the hot sun.
          
   g++    I've got four eyes and tape in the middle.
          
   g+     I've got four eyes, what's your point?
          
   g-     I have contacts
          
   g--    I have colored contacts
          
   g---   I have those funky contact that have interesting designs on
          them such as happy faces or some such.
          
   !g     I have no glasses.
          
   g?     I can't find my glasses.
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  PENS
  
   
   
   Geeks have lots of pens (and pen-like things) in their shirt pockets.
   Look down at your shirt pocket and count them. Add a p(number) into
   your code, where p stands for pen-count.
   
   p#     Average number of pens or pencils in a geek's pocket at any
          given moment in time.
          
   p?     I can't find a writing instrument
          
   !p     pens are obsolete. I have a newton.
          
   If there is also a calculator (or slide rule) often attached to your
   belt or in your pocket or you carry a portable computer around with
   you, add a plus sign, i.e. p4+.
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  AUTOMOBILE
  
   
   
   There is an old saying that one's wheels define a person. Tell the
   world about yours.
   
   au++++
          I have my chauffeured limo take me everywhere.
          
   au+++  I own four different colored Mercedes.
          
   au++   I drive a brand new car that cost more than most houses
          
   au+    I have a sporty-looking car which would be a babe-mobile if I
          wasn't such a geek.
          
   au     I drive a car which I bought from my parents. It has four doors
          even though I'm the only one who ever rides in it.
          
   au-    I drive my parents' car. hey, if I could afford my own I
          wouldn't be living at home with them (see section on housing).
          
   au--   My car has rust everywhere and the muffler drags along the
          ground.
          
   au---  I drive a '77 Pinto which went over 100,000 miles two years
          ago.
          
   au----
          I have a Yugo
          
   !au    I don't have a car
          
   au*    I have a motorcycle
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  AGE
  
   
   
   The only way to become a true geek is through practice and experience.
   To this end, your age becomes an important part of your geekiness. Use
   the qualifiers below to show your age (in Terran years).
   
   a+++   60 and up
          
   a++    50-59
          
   a+     40-49
          
   a      30-39
          
   a-     20-29
          
   a--    10-19
          
   a---   9 and under
          
   a?     ageless
          
   !a     it's none of your business how old I am
          
   
   
   In addition, if you wish to give your exact age, you can place the
   number after the 'a' identifier. For example: a42
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  WEIRDNESS
  
   
   
   Geeks have a seemingly natural knack for being "weird". Of course,
   this is a subjective term as one person's weirdness is another
   person's normalness. As a general rule, the following weird qualifiers
   allow a geek to rate their weirdness.
   
   w+++   Mainstream? I heard of that once, I think.
          
   w++    I am so weird, I make Al Yankovic look sane.
          
   w+     so? what's your problem with weird.
          
   w      I am not weird. I'm perfectly normal.
          
   w-     I'm more normal that most people normally are.
          
   w--    I am so incredibly boring...
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  VERBAGE
  
   
   
   A geeks mastery of the spoken language is an important attribute. Tell
   us about it.
   
   v---   I don't talk. I just type.
          
   v--    When I talk, people usually look mildly embarrassed.
          
   v-     I use words like 'grok' in everyday conversation.
          
   v      At least I speak in complete sentences. Usually.
          
   v+     People compliment me on my vocabulary.
          
   v++    People compliment me on my eloquence.
          
   v+++   I was the regional forensics champ.
          
   !v     Speech is irrelevant, I use telepathy
          
   v?     I mumble
          
   v*     I babble
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
Section II: Computers

  COMPUTERS
  
   
   
   Most geeks identify themselves by their use of computers and computer
   networks. In order to quantify your geekiness level on computers,
   consult the following (consider the term 'computers' synonymous with
   'computer network'):
   
   C++++  I'll be first in line to get the new cybernetic interface
          installed into my skull.
          
   C+++   You mean there is life outside of Internet? You're shittin' me!
          I live for muds. I haven't dragged myself to class in weeks.
          
   C++    Computers are a large part of my existence. When I get up in
          the morning, the first thing I do is log myself in. I mud on
          weekends, but still manage to stay off of academic probation.
          
   C+     Computers are fun and I enjoy using them. I play a mean game of
          DOOM! and can use a word processor without resorting to the
          manual too often. I know that a 3.5" disk is not a hard disk. I
          also know that when it says 'press any key to continue', I
          don't have to look for a key labeled 'ANY'.
          
   C      Computers are a tool, nothing more. I use it when it serves my
          purpose.
          
   C-     Anything more complicated than my calculator and I'm screwed.
          
   C--    Where's the on switch?
          
   C---   If you even mention computers, I will rip your head off!
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  UNIX
  
   
   
   It seems that a Unix-based operating system is the OS of choice among
   most geeks. In addition to telling us about your unix abilities, you
   can also show which specific unix OS you are using. To accomplish
   this, you include a letter showing the brand with your rating. For
   example: UL++++ would indicate a sysadmin running Linux.
   
   B      BSD (use this unless your BSDish system is mentioned below)
          
   L      Linux
          
   U      Ultrix
          
   A      AIX
          
   V      SysV
          
   H      HPUX
          
   I      IRIX
          
   O      OSF/1
          
   S      Sun OS/Solaris
          
   C      SCO Unix
          
   X      NeXT
          
   ?      Some other one not listed
          
   U++++  I am the sysadmin. If you try and crack my machine don't be
          surprised if the municipal works department gets an
          "accidental" computer-generated order to put start a new
          landfill on your front lawn.
          
   U+++   I don't need to crack /etc/passwd because I just modified su so
          that it doesn't prompt me. The admin staff doesn't even know
          I'm here. If you don't understand what I just said, this
          category does NOT apply to you!
          
   U++    I've get the entire admin ticked off at me because I am always
          using all of the CPU time and trying to run programs that I
          don't have access to. I'm going to try cracking /etc/passwd
          next week, just don't tell anyone.
          
   U+     I not only have a unix account, but I slam VMS any chance I
          get.
          
   U      I have a unix account to do my stuff in.
          
   U-     I have a VMS account.
          
   U--    I've seen unix and didn't like it. DEC rules!
          
   U---   Unix geeks are actually nerds in disguise.
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  PERL
  
   
   
   If you enjoy at least U++ status you have to know about Perl, so you
   might as well rate yourself in this sub-category. Non-unix geeks don't
   know what they're missing.
   
   P++++  I don't write Perl, I speak it. Perl has superseded all other
          programming languages. I firmly believe that all programs can
          be reduced to a Perl one-liner. I use Perl to achieve U+++
          status.
          
   P+++   Perl is a very powerful programming tool. Not only do I no
          longer write shell scripts, I also no longer use awk or sed. I
          use Perl for all programs of less than a thousand lines.
          
   P++    Perl is a powerful programming tool. I don't write shell
          scripts anymore because I write them in Perl.
          
   P+     I know of perl. I like perl. I just haven't learned much perl,
          but it is on my agenda.
          
   P-     What's Perl got that awk and sed don't have?
          
   P--    Perl users are sick, twisted programmers who are just showing
          off.
          
   P---   Perl combines the power of sh, the clarity of sed, and the
          performance of awk with the simplicity of C. It should be
          banned.
          
   P?     What's Pearl?
          
   !P     Our paranoid admin won't let us install perl! Says it's a
          "hacking tool".
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  LINUX
  
   
   
   Linux is a hacker-written operating system virtually identical to
   unix. It originally and continues to run on your standard
   386/486/Pentium PC, but is also being ported to other systems. Because
   it is still a young OS, and because it is continually evolving from
   hacker changes and support, it is important that the geek list his
   Linux ability.
   
   L++++  I am Linus, hear me roar.
          
   L+++   I am a Linux wizard. I munch C code for breakfast and have
          enough room left over for a kernel debugging. I have so many
          patches installed that I lost track about ten versions ago.
          Linux newbies consider me a net.god.
          
   L++    I use Linux almost exclusively on my system. I monitor
          comp.os.linux.* and even answer questions some times. I've
          aliased Linux FTP sites to make getting new software easier.
          
   L+     I've managed to get Linux installed and even used it a few
          times. It seems like it is just another OS.
          
   L      I know what Linux is, but that's about all
          
   L-     I have no desire to use Linux and frankly don't give a rats
          patootie about it.
          
   L--    Unix sucks. Because Linux = Unix. Linux Sucks. I worship Bill
          Gates.
          
   L---   I am Bill Gates.
          
   !L     I don't even know what Linux is!
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  386BSD
  
   
   
   386bsd is another version of Unix written for 80x86 like systems.
   Often there is a friendly (and periodically not-so-friendly) rivalry
   between the forces of Linux and the forces of 386bsd. Identify your
   BSDish rating below.
   
   3+++   I am a 386bsd wizard. I munch C code for breakfast and have
          enough room left over for a kernel debugging. I have so many
          patches installed that I lost track about ten versions ago.
          386bsd newbies consider me a net.god.
          
   3++    I use 386bsd almost exclusively on my system. I monitor
          comp.os.386bsd.* and even answer questions some times. I've
          aliased BSD FTP sites to make getting new software easier.
          
   3+     I've managed to get 386bsd installed and even used it a few
          times. It seems like it is just another OS.
          
   3      I know what it is, but that's about all
          
   3-     I have no desire to use 386bsd and frankly don't give a rats
          patootie about it.
          
   3--    Unix sucks. Because 386bsd = Unix. 386bsd Sucks. I worship Bill
          Gates.
          
   3---   I am USL's lawyer.
          
   !3     I don't even know what 386bsd is!
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  USENET NEWS
  
   
   
   Usenet, a global collection of flaming opinions and senseless babble,
   was designed as a way to eat up precious spool space on a system's
   hard drive. It also is a way for people to talk about things.
   
   N++++  I am Tim Pierce
          
   N+++   I read so many news groups that the next batch of news comes in
          before I finish reading the last batch, and I have to read for
          about 2 hours straight before I'm caught up on the morning's
          news. Then there's the afternoon...
          
   N++    I read all the news in a select handful of groups.
          
   N+     I read news recreationally when I have some time to kill.
          
   N      Usenet News? Sure, I read that once
          
   N-     News is a waste of my time and I avoid it completely
          
   N--    News sucks! 'Nuff said.
          
   N*     All I do is read news
          
   !N     We don't have news.
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  EMACS
  
   
   
   GNU Emacs is the do-all be-everything editor availble for just about
   every computer architecture out there.
   
   E+++   Emacs is my login shell!! M-x doctor is my psycologist! I use
          emacs to control my TV and toaster oven! All you vi people
          don't know what you're missing! I read alt.relgion.emacs,
          alt.sex.emacs, and comp.os.emacs.
          
   E++    I know and use elisp regularly!
          
   E+     Emacs is great! I read my mail and news with it!
          
   E      Yeah, I know what emacs is, and use it as my regular editor.
          
   E-     Emacs is too big and bloated for my tastes
          
   E--    Emacs is just a fancy word processor
          
   E---   Emacs sucks! vi forever!!!
          
   E----  Emacs sucks! pico forever!!!
          
   E?     Emacs? What's that?
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  KIBO
  
   
   
   Kibo is. That is all that can be said.
   
   K++++++
          I _am_ Kibo
          
   K+++++
          I've had sex with Kibo
          
   K++++  I've met Kibo
          
   K+++   I've gotten mail from Kibo
          
   K++    I've read Kibo
          
   K+     I like Kibo
          
   K      I know who Kibo is
          
   K-     I don't know who Kibo is
          
   K--    I dislike Kibo
          
   K---   I am Xibo
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  MS-WINDOWS
  
   
   
   A good many geeks use the MicroSoft windows program running on DOS to
   operate their PCs. Rate your Windows Geekiness.
   
   W++++  I have Windows, Windows NT, and Windows NT Advanced Server all
          running on my SMP RISC machine. I haven't seen daylight in six
          months.
          
   W+++   I am a MS Windows programming god. I wrote a VxD driver to
          allow MS Windows and DOS to share the use of my waffle iron.
          P.S. Unix sux.
          
   W++    I write MS Windows programs in C and think about using C++
          someday. I've written at least one DLL.
          
   W+     I have installed my own custom sounds, wallpaper, and screen
          savers so my PC walks and talks like a fun house. Oh yeah, I
          have a hundred TrueType(tm) fonts that I've installed but never
          used.
          
   W      Ok, so I use MS Windows, I don't have to like it.
          
   W-     I'm still trying to install MS Windows and have at least one
          peripheral that never works right
          
   W--    MS Windows is a joke operating system. Hell, its not even an
          operating system. NT is Not Tough enough for me either.
          
   W---   Windows has set back the computing industry by at least 10
          years. Bill Gates should be drawn, quarted, hung, shot,
          poisoned, disemboweled, and then REALLY hurt.
          
   !W     I don't do Windows. Got a problem with that?
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  MACINTOSH
  
   
   
   Many geeks have abandoned the character-based computer and moved over
   to the macintosh. It in important to give notification of your mac
   rating.
   
   M++    I am a mac guru. Anything those dos putzes and unix nerds can
          do, i can do better, and if not, I'll write the damn software
          to do it.
          
   M+     A mac has it's uses and I use it quite often.
          
   M      I use a mac, but I'm pretty indifferent about it.
          
   M-     Macs suck. All real geeks have a character prompt.
          
   M--    Macs do more than suck. They make a user stupid by allowing
          them to use the system without knowing what they are doing. Mac
          weenies have lower IQs than the fuzz in my navel.
          
   M?     What's a macintosh?
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  VMS
  
   
   
   Many geeks use the VMS operating system by DEC for all of their
   mainframe and network activity.
   
   V++    Unix is a passing fad compared to the real power in the
          universe, my VMS system.
          
   V+     I tend to like VMS better than Unix
          
   V      I've used VMS.
          
   V-     Unix is much better than VMS for my computing needs.
          
   V--    I would rather smash my head repeatedly into a brick wall than
          suffer the agony of working with VMS. It's reminiscent of a
          dead and decaying pile of moose droppings. Unix rules the
          universe.
          
   !V     I've not ever used VMS.
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
Section III: Politics

  POLITICS
  
   
   
   Geeks come from widely variant political backgrounds.
   
   po+++  Fuckin' Minorities! Adolf Hitler is my hero! And so is Rush
          Limbaugh!
          
   po++   All in favor of eliminating free speech, say aye!
          
   po+    Let's get the government off of big-business's back
          
   po     Politics? I've heard of that somewhere but in all honesty I
          really don't give a shit.
          
   po-    Bring back the 60's
          
   po--   I'm still living in the 60's
          
   po---  No taxes through no government
          
   -po+   Don't label me you moron! Both sides are equally fucked up!
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  CYPHERPUNKS
  
   
   
   With the birth of the overused buzzword "The Information
   Superhighway", concerns over privacy from evil governmental
   bad-guys{tm} has led to the formation of of an unofficial, loosely
   organized band of civil libertarians who spend much of their time
   discussing how to insure privacy in the information future. This group
   is known by some as "cypherpunks" (to others, as anarchistic
   subversives). To this end, tell us how punkish you are.
   
   Y+++   I am T.C. May
          
   Y++    I am on the cypherpunks mailing list and active around Usenet.
          I never miss an opportunity to talk about the evils of Clipper
          and the NSA. Orwells' 1984 is more than a story, it is a
          warning to ours' and future generations. I'm a member of the
          EFF.
          
   Y+     I have an interest and concern in privacy issues, but in
          reality I am not really all that active or vocal.
          
   Y      I'm pretty indifferent on the whole issue.
          
   Y-     It seems to me that all of these concerns are a little extreme.
          I mean, the government must be able to protect itself from
          criminals.
          
   Y--    Get a life. The only people that need this kind of protection
          are people with something to hide. I think cypherpunks are just
          a little paranoid.
          
   Y---   I am L. Dietweiller.
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
Section IV: Entertainment

  STAR TREK
  
   
   
   Most geeks have an undeniable love for the Star Trek television show
   (in any of its four forms). Because GEEK is often synonymous with
   TREKKIE (real geeks aren't so anal as to label themselves TREKKER), it
   is important that all geeks list their Trek rating.
   
   t+++   It's not just a TV show, its a religion. I know all about warp
          field dynamics and the principles behind the transporter. I
          have memorized the TECH manual. I speak Klingon. I go to cons
          with Vulcan ears on. I have no life.
          
   t++    It's the best show around. I have all the episodes and the
          movies on tape and can quote entire scenes verbatim. I've built
          a few of the model kits too. But you'll never catch me at one
          of those conventions. Those people are kooks.
          
   t+     It's a damn fine TV show and is one of the only things good on
          television any more.
          
   t      It's just another TV show
          
   t-     Maybe it is just me, but I have no idea what the big deal with
          Star Trek is. Perhaps I'm missing something but I just think it
          is bad drama.
          
   t--    Star Trek is just another Space Opera. William Shatner isn't an
          actor, he's a poser! And what's with this Jean-Luc Picard? A
          Frenchman with a British accent? Come on. I'd only watch this
          show if my remote control broke.
          
   t---   Star Trek SUCKS! It is the worst crap I have ever seen! Hey,
          all you trekkies out there, GET A LIFE! (William Shatner is a
          t---)
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  BABYLON 5
  
   
   
   For many years, Sci-Fi geeks have wished for a television show that
   would overcome the limitations of Star Trek. For many, a new show
   called Babylon 5 has met that demand, with a deep storyline, exciting
   characters and state-of-the-art computer generated effects.
   
   5+++   I am a True Worshipper of the Church of Joe who lives eats
          breathes and thinks Babylon 5, and has Evil toughts about
          stealing Joe's videotape archives just to see episodes earlier.
          I am planning to break into the bank and steal the
          triple-encoded synopsis of the 5-year arc.
          
   5++    Finally a show that shows what a real future would look like.
          None of this Picardian "Let's talk about it and be friends"
          crap. And what's this? We finally get to see a bathroom! Over
          on that Enterprise, they've been holding it for over seven
          years.
          
   5+     Babylon 5 certainly presents a fresh perspective in the Sci-Fi
          universe. I watch it weekly.
          
   5      I've seen it, I am pretty indifferent to it.
          
   5-     This show is sub-par. The acting is wooden, the special effects
          are obviously poor quality. In general, it seems like a very
          cheap Star Trek ripoff.
          
   5--    You call this Sci-Fi? That is such a load of crap! This show is
          just a soap with bad actors, piss-poor effects, and lame
          storylines. Puh-leese.
          
   !5     I've never seen Babylon 5
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  JEOPARDY
  
   
   
   Simply the geekiest television show in the world.
   
   j+++   I dress like Art Fleming, practice Alex Trebek's vocal nuances,
          and make a pilgrimage to the Jeopardy studio every six months
          to either take the contestant test or to cheer from the
          audience.
          
   j++    I watch Jeopardy regularly, and annoy others in the college rec
          center by shouting out the answers.
          
   j+     I watch Jeopardy regularly.
          
   j      Sure I watch it, but, hey, it's only a show.
          
   j-     Jeopardy? That's show's for a bunch of no-life eggheads.
          
   j--    I annoy others in the college rec center by shouting out the
          *wrong* answers.
          
   !j     I've never seen Jeopardy or don't watch it.
          
   j#     I've taken the Jeopardy test # number of times.
          
   j$     I've won money on the show.
          
   jP     I've gotten the d*mn Lee Press-On Nails on the show (or some
          other lame-o consolation prize).
          
   jx     I don't watch Jeopardy because it's too easy
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  ROLE PLAYING
  
   
   
   Role-playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons have long been a part of
   the traditional geek life. Because geeks often become so involved in
   their role-playing that they lose touch with reality, include one of
   the following role-playing codes.
   
   R+++   I've written and publish my own gaming materials.
          
   R++    There is no life outside the role of the die. I know all of
          piddly rules of (chosen game). _MY_ own warped rules scare the
          rest of the players.
          
   R+     I've got my weekly sessions set up and a character that I know
          better than I know myself.
          
   R      Role-Playing? That's just something to do to kill a Saturday
          afternoon
          
   R-     Gosh, what an utter waste of time!
          
   R--    Role-Players are instruments of pure evil.
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  MAGIC: THE GATHERING
  
   
   
   Magic: The Gathering is taking over. If you haven't heard of it, it
   involves collecting cards that summon creatures, cast spells,
   represent artifacts, etc., for the purpose of reducing the opponent's
   life points from 20 to 0 in the course of a game. Many of geeks have
   spent over $100 on these things, some a lot more.
   
   G++++  I am considered a Magic(tm) god. I have nicknames for every
          card and know just about every strategy there is.
          
   G+++   I have a Lord of the Pit, a Black Lotus and a Reverse Damage. I
          play for hours every night.
          
   G++    I've spent almost $100 on cards. A good chunk of my spare time
          goes into playing or constructing decks and keeping up my
          checklist.
          
   G+     Ok, ok, so I bought a few packs of cards. Big deal.
          
   G      I play Magic, if I can borrow a deck. It's an ok game.
          
   G-     I don't even play anymore. I just collect. My cards fill three
          shoeboxes.
          
   G--    I don't go to class/work anymore. Sometimes I don't sleep.
          
   G---   I have 3 Lords of the Pit, Armageddon, Wrath of God, and two
          Reverse Damages. I also have all five of the Greater Legends
          Dragons. I can quote the exact wording and, in some cases,
          casting cost, of any card on demand. I've memorized the PPG. I
          am a Magic munchkin.
          
   G----  Some friends and I are trying to get boxes of booster packs at
          cost so we can sell them at a profit and buy more cards at cost
          that we can sell for profit and buy more cards at....
          
   G? What the hell _IS_ Magic?
          
   G'     I don't play Magic on purpose. It doesn't seem worth it.
          
   G''    I make fun of my Magic-playing friends. Magic's a scam.
          
   G'''   I shun those who play Magic. They are stupid sheep who can't
          see what an abovious scam it is.
          
   G''''  I go out of my way to warn others of the dangers of "Crack for
          Gamers" aka Magic:the Gathering.
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  TELEVISION
  
   
   
   Many geeks have lives that revolve around television.
   
   tv+++  There's nothing I can experience "out there" that I can't see
          coming over my satellite dish. I wish there were MORE channels.
          
   tv++   I just leave the tv on, to make sure I don't miss anything.
          
   tv+    I watch some tv every day.
          
   tv     I watch only the shows that are actually worth while.
          
   tv-    I watch tv for the news and 'special programming.'
          
   tv--   I turn my tv on during natural disasters.
          
   !tv    I do not own a television.
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  BOOKS
  
   
   
   In addition, many geeks have lives that revolve around books.
   
   b+++   I consume a few books a week as part of a staple diet.
          
   b++    I find the time to get through at least one new book a month.
          
   b+     I enjoy reading, but don't get the time very often.
          
   b      I read the newspaper and the occasional book.
          
   b-     I read when there is no other way to get the information.
          
   b--    I did not actually READ the geek code, I just had someone tell
          me.
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  DOOM!
  
   
   
   There is a game out for the PC-class (and soon others) computers
   called DOOM. It's a 3D virtual reality simulation where you race
   around and blow things away with large-caliber weaponry. It can be
   quite fun. Tell us about your DOOM experiences.
   
   D+++   I crank out PWAD files daily, complete with new monsters,
          weaponry, sounds and maps. I'm a DOOM God. I can solve the
          original maps in nightmare mode with my eyes closed.
          
   D++    I've played the shareware version and bought the real one and
          I'm actually pretty good at the game. I occasionally download
          PWAD files and play them too.
          
   D+     It's a fun, action game that is a nice diversion on a lazy
          afternoon.
          
   D      I've played the game and I'm pretty indifferent.
          
   D-     I've played the game and really didn't think it was all that
          impressive.
          
   D--    It's an overly-violent game and pure crap
          
   D---   I've seen better on my Atari 2600
          
   !D     I've never played Doom!
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  BARNEY
  
   
   
   Some people have heard of the Great Purple One. How do they feel about
   him?
   
   B+++   I worship the ground He walks on. I wish to erect a shrine for
          Him in my front yard. I feel a need to sell all my worldly
          belongings, shave my head, and go to airports where I will hand
          out Barney dolls and spread His message of universal love for
          everyone regardless of race, creed, color, sexual preference,
          or species.
          
   B++    I don't miss an episode, except when I have to work or go in
          for a root canal. Barney loves me.
          
   B+     I like him. He has a nice, wholesome message. He's good for the
          country.
          
   B      Hey, the little tykes love him, they don't go around
          karate-chopping each other any more; what's the big deal?
          
   B-     Barney is annoying
          
   B--    Don't talk to me about him. I'm getting sick of his smarmy
          message. He makes me ill.
          
   B---   He's sick. He's polluting our children's minds with this love
          and tolerance crap. Boycott any station or store that carries
          him. His head would really look good on my wall next to stuffed
          Smurfs.
          
   !B     Who's Barney?
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
Section V: Lifestyle

  EDUCATION
  
   
   
   All geeks have a varying amount of education.
   
   e++++  Still pretty stupid, over qualified to work any job, went and
          got my Ph.D.
          
   e+++   Had not learned enough to know better not to go back and try
          for a master's degree.
          
   e++    Managed to finish my bachelors.
          
   e+     Started a degree, plan to finish it some day.
          
   e      K-12, been on a college campus.
          
   e-     Got my bachelors, escaped alive, and am making hoards of money
          writing unmaintainable (except by me) software.
          
   e--    The company I work for was dumb enough to fund my way through a
          masters degree, then started paying me even more money.
          
   e---   Achieved a Ph.D, have devoted my life to insignificant
          research, which my employer pays dearly for.
          
   !e     Flunked high school, learned life the hard way
          
   e*     I learned everything there is to know about life from the
          "Hitchhiker's Trilogy".
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  MUSIC
  
   
   
   Musical interests vary widely, also.
   
   u+++   I consider myself over-refined and grok that heavy-duty
          elevator music.
          
   u++    I consider myself refined and enjoy classical and new-age
          selections
          
   u+     I own a tape or CD collection (records also count, but you
          would be admitting how old you really are).
          
   u      I occasionally listen to the radio
          
   u-     Just play it loud
          
   u--    I play air-guitar better than anyone else.
          
   u---   LISTEN! I SAID TO PLAY IT LOUD!
          
   u*     I listen to music that no one else has ever heard of
          
   u**    I listen to so many types of music that I can't even keep them
          straight
          
   -u     I like _both_ kinds of music: Country AND Western
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  HOUSING
  
   
   
   Tell us about your geeky home.
   
   h++    Living in a cave with 47 computers and an Internet feed,
          located near a Dominoes pizza. See !d.
          
   h+     Living alone, get out once a week to buy food, no more than
          once a month to do laundry. All surfaces covered.
          
   h      Friends come over to visit every once in a while to talk about
          Geek things. There is a place for them to sit.
          
   h-     Living with one or more registered Geeks.
          
   h--    Living with one or more people who know nothing about being a
          Geek and refuse to watch 'Star Trek'.
          
   h---   Married, with the potential for children. (persons living with
          a fiance might as well label themselves h---, you're as good as
          there already.)
          
   h----  Married with children - Al Bundy can sympathize
          
   h!     I am stuck living with my parents!
          
   h*     I'm not sure where I live anymore. This lab/workplace seems
          like home to me.
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  FRIENDS
  
   
   
   Yes, it's true; geeks do have friends. At least, some of them do.
   
   f++    I have so many friends, I make other people jealous.
          
   f+     I have quite a few really close friends. We get along great.
          They are all other geeks, though.
          
   f      Yeah, I have friends. Who told you?
          
   f-     I have a few friends. They barely seem to speak to me anymore.
          
   f--    I've got about one friend left in the world, who probably wants
          to shoot me.
          
   f---   I used to have friends, but I didn't like it
          
   f?     I *think* I have friends.
          
   f*     Everyone is my friend.
          
   !f     I have no friends. Get lost.
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  RELATIONSHIPS
  
   
   
   Many geeks are highly successful at having relationships, a good many
   more are not. Give us the gritty details.
   
   r+++   Found someone, dated, and am now married.
          
   r++    I've dated my current SO for a long time
          
   r+     I bounce from one relationship to another, but I have quite a
          few.
          
   r      I date periodically
          
   r-     I have difficulty maintaining a relationship
          
   r--    Most people aren't interested in dating me
          
   r---   I'm beginning to think I'm a leper or something, the way people
          avoid me like the plague
          
   !r     I've never had a relationship
          
   r*     signifying membership in the SBCA (Sour Bachelor(ette)'s Club
          of America). The motto is 'Bitter, but not Desperate'. First
          founded at Caltech.
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  NUTRITION
  
   
   
   Geeks usually consume food. Some eat everything they can grab while
   some others are quite conscious of their food. (Note: 'n' is used for
   nutrition as 'f' is used elsewhere.)
   
   n+++   I graze like a bunny - pass me a carrot!
          
   n++    I like the fibers in food
          
   n+     I like food - especially when it is healthy.
          
   n-     Food? I just grab something from the shelves with meat in it.
          
   n--    I eat only the cheap things - even with artificial meat and
          vegetables.
          
   n---   I eat meat - seen Jurassic Park?
          
   n----  I _live_ on snacks and coke.
          
   !n     Eh what? never mind the menu, give me something to eat!
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  SEX
  
   
   
   Geeks have traditionally had problems with sex (ie, they never have
   any). Because geeks are so wrapped up in their sexuality (or lack of
   sexuality for that matter), it is important that the geek be willing
   to quantify their sexual experiences.
   
   This code also is used to denote the gender of the geek. Females use
   'x' in this category, while males use 'y'. Those that do not wish to
   disclose their gender can use 'z'. For example:
   
   x+     A female who has had sex
          
   y+     A male who has had sex.
          
   z+     A person (gender undisclosed) who has had sex.
          
   
   
   For those person who do not wish to give out any details of their sex
   life, the use of x? (where x is the gender code) will allow you to so.
   
   x++++  I have a few little rug rats to prove I've been there. Besides,
          with kids around, who has time for sex?
          
   x+++   I'm married, so I can get it (theoretically) whenever I want.
          
   x++    I was once referred to as 'easy'. I have no idea where that
          might have come from though.
          
   x+     I've had real, live sex.
          
   x-     I prefer computer sex to real sex.
          
   x--    I was once referred to as a 'cyberslut', but I have no idea
          where that might have come from.
          
   x*     I'm a pervert.
          
   x**    I've been known to make perverts look like angels.
          
   !x     Sex? What's that? I've had no sexual experiences.
          
   x?     It's none of your business what my sex life is like (this is
          used to denote your gender only).
          
   !x+    Sex? What's that? No experience, willing to learn!
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
   
   
   The Geek Code is copyright 1993,1994 by Robert A. Hayden
   <hayden@vorlon.mankato.msus.edu>. All rights reserved. You are free to
   distribute this code in electronic format provided that the file
   remains unmodified and this copyright notice remains attached.
     _________________________________________________________________
   
    Richard Pieri <ratinox@ccs.neu.edu>
    
        Last modified: Thu Aug 11 13:02:54 1994
