           Ŀ                                            
   Ŀ Ŀ          Ŀ             Ŀ Ŀ 
                                    Ŀ 
                                 
                                                         v1.0           


Wow!  You actually read these files?  You must be the type of person who
really downloads files marked as "utilities!"  If that's the case, this
this program is not for you, but maybe it can give you some good advice....

So WHAT is The Gagnon Utilities, anyway? |
------------------------------------------

Well, TGU is a suite of stupid non producativity tools for DOS (NOT Windoze).
It also includes some rather helpful utilities, but never mind.  They're no
fun (unless your name is James -- never mind).


What do I need to run TGU 1.0? |
--------------------------------

You need an IBM compatible computer running MS-DOS 2.1 or higher, and no, you
can't run it on your Coleco Adam.


Okay.  How do I install them? |
-------------------------------

Well, you've obviously gotten as far as unzipping the zipfile, and that's
about all there is to it.  Now, you just have to run the program TGU.EXE.

Of course, if yer smart, that's not what you'll do first.  First, you'll copy
the CCD.EXE file to your DOS directory, or some other directory in your path,
or you could put the directory TGU is installed into in your path, but that
won't help very much, since you can't run TGU unless you're in the same
directory as all of its data files.  Why would I want to do this, you ask?
CCD.EXE is an important program, because with TGU, you can create directories
that cannot be entered in Windows, or in DOS via the CD command, and CCD lets
you enter them, so there!  (Now that's a run-on sentence, if I ever saw one)


Okay, So?  What do I do now? |
------------------------------

Run TGU.EXE!  If you MUST, you can create an icon for it in Windows, but why?
When you run the program, you'll see this:
Ŀ
                         The Gagnon Utilities v1.0                           
                                                                             
 Ŀ                              Ŀ       
 Create an Unenterable  The (not very) productivity "Good"  Advice       
       Directory        tools for DOS, and NOT for         
   Windoze (see About TGU 1.0) Ŀ       
 Ŀ                              About TGU 1.0        
 Remove an Unenterable  Now, for all of you people         
       Directory        who don't read  the readme  Ŀ       
   files,   unenterable  dirs  HELP!!!!!!!!!!       
 Ŀ  cannot be  entered in  DOS,        
 Stoopid Sound Effects  or  Windoze.  And  do  you                         
   know WHY???  It's  because                         
 Ŀ  they're **MAGIC**!!!   But                         
 Make Up a Stupid Word  you can enter them in  DOS                         
   by  using the CCD  command                         
 Ŀ  just like  the CD  command.                        
   Scroll a Message     Understand?  Too bad.                              
                                                      
 Ŀ  To select one of these options, simply press the   
   Delete a File and    highlighted letter, moron.                         
 Make it unundeletable                                                     
         (C) 1996 by Colin Gagnon Software            


Now, if you're viewing this file in Windoze, it'll look weird!  See why I like
DOS so much better?

Your options are:
C)reate an Unenterable Directory: Let's you create a directory which cannot
  be entered in Windows, or with the normal CD command.  Just use the CCD
  command included herein though (just like CD), and you can enter it.  No,
  there is NO way in DOS with the normal CD command to enter the directory.

R)emove an Unenterable Directory: Ties your shoes.  What did you think it did,
  Green Jeans?  It removes one of our **SPECIAL** dirs.  Use DEL to erase all
  of the files first, though.

S)toopid Sound Effects: Plays a sound effect at random, and they're almost as
  stupid as my spelling of the word stoopid.

Make Up a Stupid (W)ord: My friend told me that I should add the random words
  generator I wrote for him, so here it is.  Great for all of you budding
  sci-fi writers who couldn't think of Zaphod Beeblebrox (remember, Douglas
  Adams admits he was drunk when he did it).

Scroll a (M)essage: Scrolls the message you specify across the screen until a
  key is pressed.  Cheap screen saver.  Well, it was better than a nose that
  runs (no pun intended) across the screen...(actually, it was easier).

D)elete a File, and Make it Unundeleteable: Just what it attempts to say: you
  can delete a file, and make it so that it cannot be undeleted.  Actually,
  it can still be undeleted, but it won't have the right contents...

"G)ood" Advice: Anyone who would seriously consider previewing a program like
  this needs advice, so press A anytime you need advice.

A)bout TGU 1.0: The About screen.  Yay.

H)elp!!!!!!!!!!: Help.  Period.  (Stoopid moron...)



Boy!  The programmer must be a really great guy!  I  |
wish I could help him out and keep mediocre programs |
like this coming!                                    |
------------------------------------------------------

Good!  TGU 1.0 is distributed as SHAREWARE, which is software you can try
without paying for it.  BUT!  If you like it, you're expected to pay for, or
"register" it.  Along with registration, shareware authors often provide newer
versions of the program, technical support, or (occasionally) nothing at all.
If you register The Gagnon Utilities v1.0, I'll give you tech support, inform
you of new Colin Gagnon Software releases, and heck, I'll even send you a free
copy of The Gagnon Utilities ][, which will NOT be distributed as shareware!

To register, just send $15 (in cash or check, moron) to:

                The Gagnon Utilities v1.0
                Colin Gagnon Software
                408 Pine Street
                Stoughton, WI  53589

By registering, you are not only helping the economy, but you're helping us
grow.  And when Colin Gagnon Software becomes a multimillon dollar Fortune
500 company, we believe that others will follow in our footsteps (even if
we stepped in something rather nasty way back on interstate '91), abolish
Windows, and write stupid, sadistic, insulting games forever.


Which brings us to: What's so great about |
Colin Gagnon Software?                    |
-------------------------------------------

Everything (give or take)!  Okay, here's the deal.  You have a choice between
The Norman Utilities, and The Gagnon Utilities.  Which do you choose?

Norman:
Your system blah blah blah blah exceeds 97% in speed compatibility blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah disk defragmented blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah bad sectors fixed.

Gagnon:
You want some advice? I got yer advice right here!  Apply for unemployment.

There!  See?  No?  Okay, well how about this.  There's a rather large computer
game conglomerate who has existed since, oh...1979?  They must be the biggest
computer game company in the history of history itself.  Now.  Look at their
game as compared with ours:

Conglomerate:
(Game takes up six CDs.  Digitized SVGA pictures of amazing quality are too
hard to display in stext mode.  Sorry.)

Colin Gagnon Software:
-------------------
|  8--(           |
|    o  5         |
|                 |
|     a    % % % %|
|          %      |
|:)        %      |
|        &&       |
-------------------

See?  See which game is better than DooM?  It's not the one beginning to the
company that starts with an S, is it?  It is?  Oh.  Never mind.  But does The
Norman Utilities ever call you a moron?  Will the games by the big company 
ever have stupid readme files, like this one?  I think not.  So as you can
see, we are FAR superior.

 
 Hey, vendors!! |
-----------------

Oh goody!  You dethided to thell my program!  BUT!!!  These are the term to
which you must abide in order to do so:

1)  Clearly mark the package as "Shareware" or "Try before you buy" software.
    You must explain the concept on the packaging.

2)  State that the program is a product of Colin Gagnon Software on the
    packaging or in the catalog.

3)  Inform me in writing.

4)  Distribute only the most recent version of the program.  To obtain a copy,
    you should register.

5)  Distribute all the files.  If all the files are not in your copy, or you
    are unsure, you should register.  You will recieve a complete copy.

6)  If a price is to be charged for the program, it shall not exceed $9 U.S.,
    which is pretty darned expensive, anyway.

7)  Distribute all the files.  If all the files are not in your copy, or you
    are unsure, you should register.  The files are:

        1.CGS
        2.CGS
        3.CGS
        5.CGS
        6.CGS
        7.CGS
        8.CGS
        A.CGS
        B.CGS
        CCD.EXE
        E.CGS
        FILE_ID.DIZ
        H.CGS
        README.TXT
        TGU.ICO
        TGU.DLL
        TGU.EXE
        VENDOR.DOC

8)  You will not hold Colin Gagnon Software or it's partners responsible from
    any damage or inconvenience resulting from your failure to abide by these
    terms.

All of these terms must be met.  Action may be taken against anyone who fails
to abide by them.
